I went to get my hair cut a few weeks ago, which happens to be one of my favorite activities. I would get a haircut every week if I could afford it. I'm currently growing my hair out in order to donate it, so I'm limited to seeing my hairdresser about once every 4-6 months. NOT my idea of fun... but I digress...
When I sat down in her chair we were beginning to chat about life and catch up on the past 5 months (sigh) and as she was talking I began daydreaming about how wonderful it would be if my hair would do what her hair was doing. It was beautifully tousled and had this great shape. It was voluminous, but not frizzy. It was wavy, but controlled. About the time that I started feeling self conscious for staring at her, she started to play with my hair as we discussed what I wanted her to do. Then, from out of nowhere, she says "I wish my hair would do what your hair does". Um, WHAT? After the initial shock wore off, I explained to her that I was just dreaming about having her lovely style. We kind of stared at each other and laughed for a few seconds before going back to idle chit chat, but that moment hasn't left me.
In that moment I realized that it could be very possible that while you're coveting someones lovely button nose, they are in turn coveting your long sloping nose. While I'm aware that envy is a very real thing, I guess it never crossed my mind that it could pass between two people who were wishing for the identical thing on the other person. Don't get me wrong, I'm a girl, so I've spent many an afternoon at work having that conversation where you're saying "I wish I had your wavy hair" and they're saying "I wish I had your straight hair". Everyone knows that you always want what you don't have. That's not revolutionary.
What became revolutionary in my mind is that it just might be possible that we're all walking around wishing away the qualities about ourselves that someone else is wishing for.
It reminded me of a time in high school when I confessed to my best friend that I was so envious of her. I wanted her athletic ability and thick beautiful hair (hair is a theme of envy in my life). She was taken aback and confessed that in reality she had been similarly envious of me. It was another WHAT? moment. How could someone so cool want to be me?
This is what I'm learning as an adult: the grass only looks greener on the other side because you're looking at your own grass through cheap gas station sunglasses. We view ourselves with a blurry filter of self loathing and discontent, but when we look at our friends (or even strangers) we take that filter off. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because we love our friends and only want to think the best of them. Maybe it's because we don't spend hours looking at our friends in the mirror and scrutinizing their every feature. Maybe it's just easier to believe good things about other people.
There is a part of me that believes that if we would all be honest with each other and speak openly about the things we admire in other people, we would collectively lift ourselves up. We could begin to form a more complete view of ourselves based on the feedback of our peers.
However, what I'm hoping for is the ability to assume that people think the best of me and therefore begin to think the best of myself. Instead of sitting and wishing away my every physical quality, I want to be able to be content with what I was given. After all, the very thing I'm wishing away could be someones favorite thing about me. See? Revolutionary.
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